June 30, 1991
June 30, 1991: This is a day I will remember for the rest of my life. This is the day my mom, Joyce Elaine Fraiser (Mac Lain), died in a boating accident. She was 34, I was 14.
Pretty much every detail of this day is cemented in my memory. I could share them all with you- here is a brief bit of my day...
...being in Park Forest with my Aunt Toni visiting my Aunt Glennis and cousin Abby. It was SO HOT outside.
...calling my house to see if Abby can come for the week until our Family 4th of July BBQ
...not getting my dad and feeling instantly that it was weird.
...dad calling us at Aunt Glennis' and telling me it's time to come home, "Your mom is in the hospital, it's not good."
...my first response "Was it a drug overdose." (says a bit about our lives at that time.)
...dad responding, "It was a boating accident and I'm need you to put Aunt Toni on the phone." Hands quivering, I passed the phone
...loading into my Aunt's Monte Carlo and driving from Park Forest to LaPaz on Hwy 30!! UGH! It was the longest route possible
...listening to Air Supply and Brian Adams- "Everything I do, I do it for You."- the whole way- 2+ hours!
...arriving at my Aunt's house and calling my dad to hear "You need to come home, not go to the hospital." Which sends my mouth spewing tons of questions which for the moment, he refuses to answer.
...then in the calmest, softest voice, my dad says, "Amber, your mom died. They tried everything. Please just get home, we need you."
...handing the phone to my Aunt and collapsing to the floor in sobs. Not really understanding the words I just heard but knowing that life would be different. Knowing that sorrow didn't begin to express the heartache.
...arriving home to hugs from Dad, Pauline, Milli, and Sara. Nothing ever felt so good and so horrible at the same time.
...spending almost that entire night up crying, laughing, reminiscing, crying, crying, and finally, all "sleeping" (if you can call passing out from emotional exhaustion sleep) in one room together, hoping that when we woke up in the morning it would be a bad dream. It wasn't!
Losing a parent is hard at any age, at any stage of life. It's the one thing in my life I HATE having in common with anyone. Especially when 2 of those people are your sisters. Two people who though we've had our moments, I would wish them to never feel the same pain. Being grateful, though, that if I had to have 2 people feel that pain with me, it was them!
Though I know when I meet other people who have suffered the same loss, there is the unspoken and sometimes spoken sorrow knowing what they feel. God has used this situation in my life to grow and to help others grow.
Life felt very unfair for a long time. There were and are days it feels raw and other days where it feels like a memory. The surprising part is as the years have passed, I am accepting this is my life. Embracing it and all the pieces that make it my story. Handling the weird milestones such as having her gone longer than I knew her with acceptance and joy. Fearful to turn 35; acknowledging that I have outlived her. Always remembering her. Always loving her. Always knowing she is with God. Always wishing it hadn't been her time.
It's weird to know it's been 17 years.
It's interesting and exciting explaining to Aubrey who she is when she points to the pictures and asks.
Praising God for gifting me with 3 moms, one Biologically, one by Adoption, and one by Marriage.
The picture at the top is one of my favorites. It's of us at my 1st Communion, 1985. She was a beautiful woman.
...'til we meet again!
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