I can't say that
There are many things I can't say.
I can't say that I've traveled the world.
I can't say that my hearts never ached.
I can't say that life's been easy.
But this I can say, "I don't know how that feels"
So often when I encounter someone and the story of my life unfolds, mostly about how my mom died when I was young I frequently get this response "I've never lost anyone close to me" and my response is "I don't know how that feels"
I don't know or don't remember the feeling of having not had someone close to me die. It's not just my mom's death, but I remember most all the deaths that have impacted our family or friends.
I remember when my great-grandma died. I remember when my dad's step father died. I remember when my mom's father died. I remember when my cousin's husband died. I remember when my mom died. I remember when classmates have died. I remember when dad's mom died. I remember when Sharon's mom died. I remember when Pauline's mom died. I remember when my cousin's lost their mom. I remember when Amelia and David lost Brenna. I remember when I had our friend's very young children join the "club". These are just a few...
I always have an answer for "What's been the hardest experience you've encountered?"
I'm jealous of others who can say "Nothing really that difficult has happened in my life" because "I don't know how that feels." However, even though I can't say "I don't know how that feels" and have a hard time relating sometimes to the idea of having not lost someone close or experiencing a loss with someone who has lost someone close, I know it's made me who I am today.
I know difficulties in life are relative.
Sometimes I just wish I could at least remember a time when I was able to say "I've never lost anyone close to me." I pray that for Aubrey and Benjamin. I want that to be their answer.
I understand what you are saying. Once you know how that feels you are never the same.
Keen Family said... July 1, 2010 at 1:59 PM
I had that wish for Zachary too and I hate that he will constantly change in his younger years to deal with the fact that he was exposed to such a sad loss so young. Not that it's easy any time in life, but I know there will be a day that he will just realize, "Wow, my sister died." But, loss is inevitable and how we live on and remember and hope for the future is what sets us apart from others. There are always rainbow days ahead and when someone else's sun goes down, we understand and can be there in ways others can't.
Hendryx2003 said... August 23, 2010 at 9:47 PM
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